SAMLADE STIG PRESENTATIONER!
Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all of his legs are hydraulic... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
some say he likes bum off jeremy clarkeson and he has no penis... all we know is, he's called the Stig
Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say he watched the lord of the rings sixty twelve times and he was pissed off at gandalf for stealing his idea for a halloween costume. all we know he's called the stig.
Some say he's wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say he's the main cause of global warming and his stomach is reverse engineered to make the I-Phone. all we know is he's called the stig.
Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin's, and that wherever you are in the world, if you tune your radio to 88.4, you can actually hear his thoughts... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say if you see into his eyes you turn to stone and he had a playboy magazine in his hands when he was born. all we know he's called the stig
Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and he's been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that some cannot say because the Stig can make some not say what they want to say and all i want to say is i don't know what the hell i'm trying to say.
MORSE CODE: I'm the Stig.
Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire, he'd burn for a thousand days... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci Code in 43 seconds... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and long before anyone else, he realized that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring, and that if you give him a really important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
He appears to have started listening to Morse code. Very strange, or maybe it's him making that noise.
The Stig [speaking in Morse code]: I LOVE CHEESE
Some say it's impossible for him to wear socks, and he can open a beer bottle with his testes! All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that to unlock him, you have to run your finger down his face, and that if he was getting divorced from Paul McCartney, he'd keep his stupid whiny mouth shut! All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Stig still listening to Morse code, better than static I suppose .... maybe he's signaling to his home planet.
The Stig [speaking in Morse code]: ME SMELL CATS
Some say that his scrotum has its own small gravity field, and that because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name. All we know is, he's called Cuddles.
The Stig [speaking in Morse code]: I LIKE MR. SULU
Some say that he thought Star Wars was a documentary, and that he recently pulled out of I'm A Celebrity because he is scared of trees... and Australia... and Koo Stark... and Ant... and Dec. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modelled on Britney Spears' head... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
The Stig [speaking in Morse code]: THAT PORK TASTED FUNNY
Some say that he's terrified of ducks, and that there's an airport in Russia named after him... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say he can swim seven lengths under water, and he has webbed buttocks... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
The Stig [speaking in Morse code]: TOO MANY GEARS
Some say that he once lost a canoe on a beach in the northeast, and that he once did some time in a prison in Canterbury, because his teddy is called The Baby Jesus. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother, he will head-butt you in the chest... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue... we know him only, as the Stig.
Some say he is illegal in 17 U.S. states, and he blinks this way [horizontally]... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
The Stig [speaking in Morse code]: I LIKE GARY NEWMAN
Some say that on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason, he's allergic to the Dutch... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that his first name really is "The," and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island, they'd all be pregnant, including the cameramen... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
The Stig [speaking in Morse code]: I VOTED ROSS PEROT
Some say that he's a CIA experiment gone wrong, and that he only eats cheese... all we know is, he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's American cousin!
Some say he isn't machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish delight... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that after making love, he bites the head off his partner. And that he's had to give up binge drinking now that it's gone to one pound eighteen to a litre. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples, and that he thinks that "credit-crunch" is some kind of a breakfast cereal. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that one of his eyes is a teste. And that he was turned down for I'm a celebrity because people have heard of him. All we know is he's called the Stig!
Some say that he sleeps inside out, and that he once had full sex with Russell Brand's answering machine. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
The Stig [speaking in Morse code]: STRICTLY COME DANCING IS CRAP
Some say that his ears aren't exactly where you'd expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with John Prescott... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is, he's called the Stig!
Some say that if you lick his chest, it tastes exactly the same as piccalilli, and that at this week's Brit awards, he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say his favourite ever song is Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward, and that he has the world's largest collection of pornographical material. All we know is, he's not the Stig, but he is The Stig's lorry-driving cousin!
Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he's scared of bells... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that when he slows down brake lights come on in his buttocks, and that if he'd been the manager of the England football squad last week, he wouldn't have been a feckless ginger gum-chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he's confused by stairs... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that as we speak he is actually relaxing in the resort pool, and he is, he is actually.
Some say that he once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner, and that he is in no way implicated in the cash for honours scandal... all we know is, he's called Lord Stig!
Some say that he knows 2 facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong. And that 61 years ago he accidentally introduced Her Majesty The Queen to a Greek racialist. All we know is, I'm going to the tower now to have my head cut off, and he is called the Stig.
Some say that he's banned from the town of Chichester, and that in a recent late-night deal, he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say that he is not allowed, by law, within 100 yards of Lorraine Kelly, and that he's never seen an episode of Top Gear, because he's a huge fan of Midsomer Murders! All we know is, he's called Bergerac!
Some say that he invented November. And that if he had won the World Championship in Brazil last weekend, there might have been one photograph of him without his father, gurning in the back of shot. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say one of his legs get longer when he sees a pretty lady. And that I haven't done one of these for some time and I've forgotten to make up a second thing. All we know is he's called the Stig!
Some say that he gets terrible eczema on his helmet, and that if he'd been the video referee at the World Cup Rugby Final, he'd have seen 'of course it was a try you blind Australian half-wit'! All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Some say he's seen The Lion King 1780 times, and that his second best friend is a cape buffalo... all we know is, he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's African cousin.
The Stig has got into Elton John... not literally, of course!
One of these days, he's gonna kill himself and we're gonna need a new Stig.
Some say he was turned down for a place in 'im a celebrity' because he is one. and that he has some terrible plans involving the moon.
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